Saturday 17 January 2009

The cow ran off and the phoenix burst into flames..



It's been more than a month since I asked the Monkey to fall off the tree to meet the Frog who escaped his well.. I thought I'd scribble again. Not long after that note, I took off to clear my head and my heart, spend some alone time to reflect. It was a concoction of retail and self-imposed isolation therapy to try repair a crushed heart and a broken will.

I came back, with a slightly differing perspective on things, knowing full well that as my good friend the Frog notes, 井の中の蛙大海を知らず (i no naka no kawazu taikai o shirazu), I knew that there are those who will continue to judge with blinkers on, regardless of which approach I use (the JK or EC or SS method). So instead I've embraced the predicament I'm in and try to see the minutests of positives. I can tell you IT AIN'T BLOODY EASY, ok?


One evening I was mucking about on FB and I read a note written by a mate that had me thinking. So, to amuse myself, I read my horoscope. This author is indeed ruled by the water ox and water scorpion. Whatever people say about us Scorpions, I've narrowed it down to this: We are self-destructive.

Why? Cuz that damned tail is pointed to our own backs.. Geez.. I also think we like to reinvent ourselves.. Well yeah, since we've just shot ourselves, we've got to somehow arise from the ashes like a phoenix, except unlike the bird, we somehow come back different.

I saw this on Wikipedia: "Scorpio has associations with 3 animal symbols: scorpionsnake and phoenix(WOW, am I good or what??!). Each represents different levels of power related to personal strength, individual power and intimidation based on the differing cultural associations with these animals; i.e. the fierce determination to triumph over odds and to be ruthless in pursuing goals, traits that are evident in the personality of Scorpio individuals. ...........hmm...
Then I lifted this nugget: Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they seem self-controlled & calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far from the surface of a calm sea, it may erupt at any moment. The perceptive ones will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity (??!!), and often strangely hypnotic personality (are you kidding me??!) under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio.

As I read this, I was in tears laughing, thanks Astrology.com for making me feel strangely good!!

I swapped to Chinese astrology for the Ox.. SLOW and steady. The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude & hard work. This powerful sign is a born leader (umm....), dependable with an innate ability to achieve great things... calm, modest, unswervingly patient (WHAT??!), tireless in their work.. capable of enduring any amount of hardship without complaint (umm.. might be the scorpion rearing its ugly head here).

Oxens need peace and quiet to work through their ideas.. when they have set their mind on something it is hard for them to be convinced otherwise. (i.e. incredibly stubborn!!).. Strong-minded, individualistic, majority are highly intelligent individuals who don't take kindly to being told what to do. (Damned straight!)


Well, after crying my eyes out laughing, my mood subdued and I began to reflect. There have been situations where my determination means my being uncompromising; where I've tended to wear my heart on my sleeve, only to be trampled on. Then there have been times when I questioned the integrity of those around and above me after witnessing behaviours and actions that I believe are wrong. I began to see and hear their utterances as being purely rhetoric. I was even annoyed at myself for standing on my ground and not admitting that there was a problem for such a long time.

Two Korean proverbs stood out: 소 잃고 외양간 고친다. I had in fact lost a cow before realising the need to fix the barn.. and 손바닥으로 하늘을 가리려한다 I wasn't being honest to myself and was denying what I was feeling.

(now back to Japan) 出る杭は打たれる (Deru kugi wa utareru) so while this stake that sticks out gets hammered down, I realised that 馬鹿は死ななきゃ治らない (Baka wa shinanakya naoranai) one really can't fix stupid..

.... if you've reached this part of this long monologue, ありがとうございます!